Call me Kim. Kim Kardashian.

Or Britney Spears. Because they’re not the only ones with gorgeous locks! Never mind that they’re artificial and that you would never want your boyfriend to run his fingers through your hair and discover the hair he admires so much is… fake!

I’ve always admired thick, full hair, and always feel a little dejected when my naturally pin-straight hair goes limp and flat by the end of the day. Blow drying it upside down and boosting it with hairspray only buys me a little time. So after considering hair extensions on and off for the past few months, and before reading up on the risks (that’s why they say to do research before buying an unfamiliar product), I decided to order a set of dark brown 18” 100% Remy human hair extensions.

Now while the hair was well under $100 (for those of you wondering), for an in debt college graduate, it turned out to not only be a costly purchase, but a completely unnecessary and useless purchase as well.

Useless you ask? Why useless?

Well you see, while my hair was being shipped from Shandong, China, I decided to do some more in depth research about the product I had just ordered online. As it turns out, hair extensions can have some extremely undesirable results, and while clip on hair extensions are considered the safest on the market, they can still cause traction alopecia (hair loss caused by excessive/prolonged pulling on your hair). Retailers suggest wearing the extensions for only a few hours during the day to reduce the risk of hair loss.

So basically… I can only wear my hair extensions for a few hours (DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO PUT THEM IN?!?) and risk losing my hair. F*** that. (Excuse the language).

So today I put my hair extensions in for the first (and last) time, and snapped a few photos for posterity. Then I unsnapped the pieces, laid them in a neat pile on my bed, and re-wrapped them in the plastic from whence they had come, giving them a proper funeral as I wept a deluge of tears. I may try to resell them to another unsuspecting victim equally unaware of false beauty’s danger. Or I may store them in my dresser drawer for a few years to collect dust and remind me, as my mom once told me, that we’re all entitled to a few stupid decisions in our lives.

I am thankful for the hair that I do have, and since I already blow dry it, spray it, and dye it, I will not ask it to take on anything else.

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